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I haven’t posted in a month because I’ve been seriously lacking sleep.
I revised my Trich therapy journal to actually include tracking sleep, because I’m finding that’s a doozie for me.
I Want To Pull When I’m Tired.
And when I don’t get sleep it leads to stress and anxiety which leads to more pulling.
Which Has Actually Got Me Thinking About A Lot of Things About My Sleep.
I’ve got some weird sleeping habits that I believe are totally related to my anxiety and Trich.
I live in the desert, so it gets very hot here in the summers and it’s really had me thinking a lot about my sleeping habits because I always have to have the covers on when I sleep.
Not just a sheet either, I have a full on heavy comforter that I have to have on me.
Which also got me thinking about my comforter, I hold on to comforters a really long time, like a really long time.
We moved into our new house a year and a half ago and I still haven’t purchased bedding.
Because I want my comforter.
I don’t even share it with my husband, he has to get his own.
Before this comforter, which I’ve had for probably 5-6 years, I had another one for probably another 5-6 years.
It almost becomes my security blanket, a big, giant, heavy ass security blanket that I have to have.
It doesn’t just stop there though..
I also like to sleep on one side with a pillow shoved between my knees sometimes.
When I do this suck my thumb to sleep.
If I’m really super tired…like beyond exhausted
I sleep on my hands, they’re either tucked under my body or under the pillow.
Either way, when on my side or on my stomach and hands I am totally covered by my giant blanket.
I am completely covered all the way up to my shoulders.
Only my head peeks out..
If it’s hot, I turn the air conditioner down and my fan is always blowing hard.
I cannot sleep unless my fan is blowing really hard
I can’t sleep in a room with no fan, I need that noise for some reason?
I also need the wind it provides because the rest of my body is under this giant, heavy comforter.
What’s been disrupting my sleep lately is my baby.
I’m still nursing him and he’s been up a lot lately to eat.
He wants to eat and then pacify himself to sleep, which means I can’t sleep under my giant blanket.
I can’t sleep if I can’t sleep a certain way, so I don’t get any sleep at all.
When I’m tired during the day because of lack of sleep, I noticed my BFRB’s totally kick in.
My Keen bracelets have really helped me take notice of when this is happening.
I suck my thumb and start going for my hair to pull and I do it because I can’t just go lay down and go to sleep.
But maybe I need too?
I’m a total work-a-holic and when I’m not working, I’m busy doing something.
Which also follows me in my sleep.
I have crazy dreams a lot!
I’m a dreamer in every sense of the word!
I rarely sit idle and my mind is racing a lot.
It often follows me in my sleep if I don’t make an effort to cast my cares on the Lord and relax.
I have to make a conscious effort to rest.
Which is why I guess Paul says in Hebrews,
“Let us therefore strive to enter that rest” Heb 4:11
I have to STRIVE to rest and I can see where that’s effecting my Trichotillomania.
I’m going to start working through my Trich journal tracking my sleep and see if I can help myself in this area.