What Does Trichotillomania Feel Like?
Ever since I was a little kid, I mean little-little, I can remember twisting and pulling my hair out.
I can’t really explain why I do it but I can tell you how it feels because it’s the feelings that drives the urges.
It Feels Soothing.
That’s Me Circa 1982
Hair pulling feels very self soothing while it’s happening.
It’s always been a self soothing mechanism for me since I was very very little.
It started out with thumbsucking and hair twisting and somehow evolved into actually pulling the hairs out.
A lot of the times I don’t even realize I’m doing it, I sort of fall into a trance.
One of the reasons I bought Keen bracelets was because I didn’t feel like I could stop what I didn’t realize was starting.
For me, it became an automatic gesture that I wasn’t even aware of it anymore, I would soothe myself and not think much else about it.
It Feels Uncontrollable At Times.
There are certain times when the urge to stop is uncontrollable.
There were times when I just felt so helpless because I felt like if I stopped I would go insane, even though I hated myself for doing it.
I needed to pinpoint exactly what those triggers were in order to get a better handle on the uncontrollable feeling I would experience.
I really wanted to get to the bottom of this so that I could manage this condition and eventually overcome it.
I don’t have uncontrollable urges all the time, so there’s got to be a trigger point!
For me those trigger points were found after I started documenting my hair pulling patterns.
Even after I found the hair pulling patterns, I had to be ready to make some changes in my life to stop.
It Feels Like You’re Alone.
For the longest time in my life If felt alone and like a freak for doing this to myself.
I learned to hide it from everyone because I never really felt like I could share my secret with anyone.
It really wasn’t until I started this blog and started joining online communities that I realized I wasn’t alone and that there are people who can relate.
There’s so many of us.
I was just at the BFRB conference this last month and I can tell you that you’re definitely not alone and there’s people out there who get you.
You’re not weird and you’re not alone.
Support is so important and if you can’t get it at home for whatever reason – join a support group!
It Feels Hopeless.
There were times I felt hopeless.
It wasn’t until I truly gave the whole thing to God and said, I can’t, but you can that things started to turn around.
I mean I had genuinely tried and tried and tried but it felt hopeless until I just threw in the will power towel and began confessing what God’s Word said about me.
It was that moment that sort of sparked a lot of other moments for me.
I started really having awareness of possibilities.
My thoughts changed from negative to more positive ones.
Ideas and products started presenting themselves and I started feeling more hopeful about my situation.
There’s got to be a belief that you can overcome trichotillomania otherwise it does feel hopeless.
I had to learn to fix my mind and hands on other things one moment at a time.
Feelings Are Not Facts.
What trichotillomania feels like is not facts.
I had to take my thoughts captive and not allowing myself to dwell on feelings.
Feelings are not facts.
The facts are that nothing is impossible, it only seems impossible until it’s done.
Life is nothing more than moments and that moment will pass and what’s done in that moment is not permanent.
There’s always hope no matter what trichotillomania feels like.
