Postpartum Depression Brought Back My Trichotillomania
I noticed that my hair pulling started again when I was postpartum with my 3rd child.
I had it under control for years but after I had him is when I noticed I couldn’t stop pulling my hair again.
I suffer from postpartum depression after I have every child but it was really bad with him.
Immediately after giving birth to him at home I was rushed with onset of relatives dropping in (because they thought home birth meant free-for-all at my house I guess).
My mother in law showed up at my house less than 24 hours after he was born.
I was literally bombarded and the anxiety and stress sent me into a postpartum depression that made me down right insane.
There are just certain people that are a trigger for me and my mother in law is one of them and on top of that, I literally just had a baby.
She nit picks and says negative things under her breath and its hard to be around, let alone when you’re bleeding out your vagina and nursing a newborn.
I remember crying and crying in my closet one day because I had no where else to go to be alone.
Pulling My Hair Out After Having A Baby
I remember the day I noticed I was pulling my hair out again.
I caught myself and thought, “why am I doing this again?”
It had been so long since I pulled my hair that it was really strange to catch myself doing it again.
I had two children prior to this, but the force of this particular postpartum period was incredibly stressful.
I was depressed for months and very insecure, like most new moms with their bodies out of whack.
I remember going to Google one day because I wanted to see “why I couldn’t stop pulling my hair!”
I mean it was so bad that it had to be SOMETHING!
That was the day I found out what trichotillomania was for the first time.
I never knew it had a name or that other people had it too.
I kept the secret to myself because I already had a lot of emotions and things I was processing at the time.
My poor husband would think I was really nutty if I told him I had some sort of hair pulling mania (or so I thought at the time).
Why Am I Pulling My Hair Out After Having A Baby?
When you have a hair pulling disorder, it’s only normal to try to figure out what started it.
I know what caused it when I was a child, but it went away for years and years.
All the sudden, I had a baby and here I was, pulling my hair again.
What Lead To The Hair Pulling Postpartum?
Maybe it was hormones?
Definitely a possibility, I did just have a baby.
I’ve been battling insecurity my whole life and it really seems to be at high right after I have a baby.
I feel inadequate as a mom and a wife and I have no idea why I battle those feelings.
My head knows the facts but my heart doesn’t always receive them for whatever reason.
I have this deflated balloon for a stomach that also makes me feel unattractive.
There’s really a list of insecurities that goes with postpartum.
She’s definitely hard to be around, she makes me feel stressed out.
I hate to be the stereotypical daughter-in-law but dang, my MIL is hard on me when she’s around.
She’s said some pretty hurtful words in the past and I’m someone who is very receptive to words.
Every single person has a love language (words, gifts, physical touch, acts of service and quality time) – mine is definitely words.
Words stick with me for a long time.
I have a hard time forgetting words people say to me, especially if they’re mean.
Lack Of Sleep
Exhaustion is definitely something I suffer from after I have baby.
Probably because there’s a million people in my house bugging the crap out of me?
I know lack of rest makes me anxious and irritable which leads to stress.
I feel like postpartum is the perfect storm for depression, especially if you are placed in a high stress situation right after birth.
In my case I just had a baby at home (yes, at home) and then I was rushed by people who kept trying to hold my baby.
I don’t want people to hold my baby after I just have a baby.
I’m very territorial that way, VERY.
Could My Postpartum Hair Pulling Be Prevented?
I really don’t know.
I think had the circumstances been different, maybe?
But there’s no way to be sure.
I had my first two babies in a hospital.
I had my third (and fourth) child at home because I didn’t really like the hospital experience, too many strangers “looking under the hood” if you know what I mean?
I chose to have my baby at home but I had no idea I was going to be rushed by everyone immediately after I had my baby. 😫
I knew I was prone to postpartum depression, and I even took actionable measures against it.
My midwife suggested encapsulated my placenta, so I did that, and I took capsules of my own placenta every day.
I literally swallowed my own flesh and it didn’t help me.
I’m not sure if it was the placenta that didn’t work or just the fact that I was placed in a high stress situation?
I think what could have been prevented was all the people coming to my house.
I would have gotten a lot more sleep and rest if I didn’t have all these visitors bugging me.
I was also having trouble nursing my son which led to even more stress.
I almost quit nursing I was so stressed out.
If I could do the whole thing over again knowing that all this was going to lead to trichotillomania, I would have been more firm about my postpartum privacy.
I would have thrown everyone out of the house, or better yet, not let them in at all.
I still harbor some bitterness towards my husband over this because it was his job to protect me from all these intruders coming in the house.
Some people want their family to visit but I didn’t.
The social axiety and stress of that situation still stings today.
I’m in several support groups for trichotillomania online and I’ve heard of other stories of women who started pulling their out after they had a baby.
I don’t think my situation is that uncommon.
Postpartum depression is serious and it can lead to more serious health conditions, or in my case a full blow Hair Pulling DISORDER!
If you’re reading this and you got here because you pulled your hair out after having a baby – I relate.