You would think since I have a blog and I talk to complete strangers about personal things that finding a hairdresser should be no problem for me. I mean, after all, I tell the world I have trichotillomania, why not a hairdresser?
The thing about me is I have terrible social anxiety when it comes to talking to people in general. I could write blog posts all day long for strangers but put me in front of an actual human who can exhibit emotions or facial expressions and I freeze up.
My Hairdresser Left Me
My hairdresser that I absolutely loved and already confided in many years ago has decided she’s going in another direction. She’s really great at hair color, probably the best in town and so she’s decided she will only be doing colorwork from now on. I mean why not get $265 a client instead of $65?! No brainer for her but leaves me screwed.
I went to her for hairstyling and trims. She already knew that I had trichotillomania so it was just easy for me for so long. I just sat in the chair, she talked about her dogs and did my hair. The simple life.
I Forgot How Hard it is to Find a Hairdresser
When she first sent out the message that she wasn’t going to be cutting hair anymore except for color clients, I freaked out. I just put it out of my mind until now really.
It’s been over a year now though I still haven’t found anyone to cut my hair and it’s getting really gross looking, especially on the ends.
It’s grown very long because of the pregnancy, I’ve been trimming the ends myself here and there but it’s so bad now (and uneven) that I’m REALLY afraid to talk to a new hairdresser.
I play out all these scenarios in my head like what will I tell her when she sees I pull it? Why is it so uneven? OMG! The anxiety of this is so stupid but very real. I hate talking to people, especially about why my hair is the way it is.
I immediately go on the sarcastic defense when it comes to my hair. It’s my way of hiding all the insecurity I feel when people are looking at it.
I don’t even know where to start I feel so overwhelmed.
I thought about Super Cuts just to get it done but I’m scared of what they will say to me? What if there’s a lot of other people? My last girl had her own salon, ONE chair, no other people.
I thought about just keeping it back in a bun while I’m trying to grow it out more?
I just don’t know how long I can last though.
It would be so nice to find a private person to do my hair again. I need a pro, someone who can hide the thin parts for me without making me feel ashamed.
I hope to get this settled soon, I pray the Lord will put someone in my path to help me with this and SOON because my self-esteem is already suffering.
