Work is Definitely a Trich Trigger for Me
I’m an entrepreneur, I’ve had my own business now for years and it’s up and down to say the least.
I work online as an internet marketer and some years are better than others.
Last year was a really great year, I made a lot of money, bought a house, and things were just really good.
This year, around January, there was rumors of commissions cuts from the largest company I sell things for, come March, the cut happened and it was huge!
I went from making 8.5% to 3% overnight and it was and STILL IS financially crushing.
It took me years to get the point where I was making as much as I was, two years in a row I was easily in the 6-figure range and not just a little over it, a lot over it..
One commission change knocked me down to minimum wage.
This is NOT the first time this has happened to me.
Last time it happened it almost drove me to kill myself, it was that bad, but I wasn’t where I am with the Lord now either.
When you work online the winds do tend to shift.
It’s feast or famine.
If someone told you were going to make more than a quarter of a million dollars, BUT you could only have it two years and then you have to do something else, would you take it?
I would and I did and I continue too!
I love the feeling of being my own boss.
But with that comes a lot of risk, especially when big shifts happen!
The shift this year was huge though and when these shifts happen my insecurities do too..
I always notice my pulling is worse when MY economic climate changes.
Do I Believe God Will Take Care Of Me?
Yes, I do.
But do I really?
Of course I do.
But it’s a battle of the mind.
And that makes it a trigger that causes me to pull more.
When things are bad in business, I tend to pull my hair out more.
This tells me that even though I believe God will provide for me, something is not in alignment with that.
I still get scared.
I see things dropping financially and the flesh side of me is terrified.
I don’t have a lot of people I talk too about this stuff, so hey, I blog about it..
But it does get to me, I stress out, I have nightmares and even crap myself sometimes. TMI?
I’m just being honest. I get scared too.
I know God loves me.
But I’ve got flesh and bone like men and sometimes, I freak out!
I know God is gonna take care of me but I would rather just not have anything bad happen to me, ever.
It’s a battle for mind.
I’m fighting from a place of victory, not for a victory.
There’s nothing new under the sun (Ecc 1:9) and the devil still uses the same tricks he always has.. deception.
Just like with Eve in the garden (Gen 3:4-5), he got her to doubt God.
That’s exactly what happens with me…. and you… and everyone else.
Will I take God at His word or will I stress out and pull my hair?
There’s a choice to be made every minute of every day for me.
Today, although it’s been a battle, I choose to take God at His word.
His word says He will supply all my needs. Phil 4:19
His word says He will never leave me or forsake me. Heb 13:5
His word says I am deeply loved. Eph 3:18
His word says I’m an heir with Christ. Rom 8:17
As Jesus is right now, so am I! 1 Jn 4:17
I go to school for this reason, because I need to root this down inside me when times like this come.
I’m so grateful for my bible school education because it gives me something tangible to fall back on.
The Word of God is a weapon when its a battle of the mind.
I Counteract Trichotillomania Triggers with Scripture!
Why do I do that?
Because the Word of God is sharper than any two edge sword and it can divide the soul and spirit. Heb 4:12
Right now in my spirit I am as complete as Jesus is but my soul needs to line up to the word of God.
I’m feeling sad, depressed, bummed out over my work and it’s totally getting to me.
I actually bit my nails today for the first time in two weeks since wearing my Keen bracelets.
I was pulling my hair before I even sat at my computer this morning.
That’s no bueno.
I’m definitely not in alignment somewhere but I’m working through it.
It’s one of the reasons I created my Trichotillomania Journal.
I just had it printed off at the UPS Store and I’m running up there tonight to pick it up so that I can start working through it tomorrow.
Ideally, I didn’t want to start on a Friday, but Monday feels so far away!!
I finished the journal on Tuesday, was hoping to wait til the start of a new week but….
Friday it is.
I’m gonna do a quick video on my YouTube channel showing off the journal in print form and also ramble off a few other things on my mind.
I had a great call with a girl from our private Trich group, she’s actually pull-free for YEARS and she gives me such hope.
She shared her story a few weeks ago and she’s really been such a huge inspiration in my journey to getting better.
I have some more blog post ideas that she gave me and some really great books she recommended, so that was a very uplifting part of my week and I plan to share more in the video.
So how about you?
Is work a Trich trigger for you?